


all blood flows to pandemonium

by howfrightening



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Animal Abuse, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape, animals in a circus, but hey the circus!, but its the time period of this fic, but seriously animals do NOT belong in this circus, circus AU, this is gonna be angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23225305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howfrightening/pseuds/howfrightening
Summary: It had been years since she last attended one, and hopefully the “Circus of Pandemonium” was as flashy as it sounded.-or in other words, Lilith runs away with the traveling circus and is pulled in by the enchanting Zelda Spellman
Relationships: Dr. Cerberus/Hilda Spellman, Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman, Past Lilith/Lucifer, Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55





	1. 'twas brillig, and the slithy toves

**Author's Note:**

> hi! please note that this fic will deal with some heavy themes. also, I'm sorry if I'm getting things wrong about the circus, or animals, or more. There will be harm to animals in future chapters, and that is very serious. Animals will also maybe act in a way that they normally wouldn't, well, slightly for the sake of fiction. the chapter title is from "The Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll  
> -  
> i hope this goes without saying, but i do not condone wild animals in the circus!  
> -  
> please leave a comment if you will :)

It was the bright light of the sun that made Lilith purchase a damned ticket to enter the big tent in the first place - and maybe mild curiosity. It had been years since she last attended one, and hopefully the “ _Circus of Pandemonium”_ was as flashy as it sounded. Her life had been quiet for some time, a relief from the unending danger it had previously been. So, when the news came that the circus was coming to her sleepy little town, she hoped it would add some excitement to her day. 

She passed by the intricately decorated posters that lined the walls leading to the entrance. _The Magical Mr. Scratch! The Gravity Defying Weird Sisters! The Untrappable Master Ambrose!_ They went on and on and Lilith skipped past many of them, until the last one caught her eye. _Circe Reborn - Dancing With Beasts!_ It depicted an ornately dressed woman with red hair and tigers at her feet; from the intricacy of the painting she guessed it must be the jewel of the circus. She left it with a lingering look of wonder. 

Lilith made her way into the tent and was hit with a wave of heat and the mixed smells of sweat, animals, and circus foods. She had to remind herself that she had spent money on a ticket when she nearly went running. The artificial lamplight was bound to give her a headache at some point she was sure. Shuffling along with the people filing into the stands, Lilith wouldn’t have even noticed him step out behind her if he didn’t say anything.

“Lilith, what a pleasure finding you here.”

Ice flooded her veins and rendered her stiff, she was frozen staring ahead as memories of years past came unbidden to her. A strong hand with an even stronger grip. Blood on her kitchen floor. The deeds she had done. The robberies. Lilith reigned in her composure and turned to face the voice that used to haunt her, “Lucifer.” 

Lucifer grinned, and the first thing that came to mind was oil. Slick. Dark. Poisoning. Despite their surroundings he was still dressed in one of his suits, _she had washed that one until her hands were raw and bleeding, he said there were still stains._ Of all the people she had expected to see on her excursion, her ex-husband and former partner-in-crime was hardly one of them. Especially in an unseemly place like this. Lilith vividly remembered the night she had packed up and left town, leaving her ring on the steps of their home. Why on earth was he here? She was brought back to the present by him stepping closer. 

He chuckled at her cold demeanor, “Come now, Lilith, is that how you treat an old friend?” Lucifer went to take her hand and Lilith pulled it back before he could. “I never took you for one to attend the circus.” 

Lilith lifted her chin, schooling her expression into one of cool resignation, “Curiosity. Yourself? I didn’t think you’d ever consider coming to such a lowly and dirty place as this.” This only produced another chuckle from the man.

“Ah, darling, I own it.”

Flinching at the endearment, Lilith was thoroughly thrown. When she had been with Lucifer, his money had come from his family's generational fortune; why he was with a traveling circus of all places left her beyond confused. 

“Besides, I have no dealings with the cleanup of the show. Really, it was quite a fit. You know how I adore the dramatic,” Lucifer raked his eyes over her body, making her stomach churn. This time he succeeded in taking her hand and pulled her closer. Lilith was forced to look up at him. She sneered and tried to snatch her hand back, only to have him hold it tighter. He never stopped smiling, but a familiar danger glinted in his eyes. “I have everything I want here, it’s my own playground-” he was interrupted by the lamps being dimmed. Lilith wrenched her arm back and he took a step back.

“That would be my cue.” 

Lilith huffed and turned to leave only to be grabbed by him again. Lucifer pulled her around and Lilith pushed at his hand, “ _Let me go.”_

Tutting, Lucifer practically dragged her with him, “Nonsense Lilith, you must have the best seat in the house.” She found herself at the central column of stands, and at Lucifer’s nod, the guard escorted the family that had been occupying the space to another area. He ushered her into the row and Lilith found it all happened too quickly for her to react. 

Lucifer faced with a grin on his face, “Enjoy the show, Lilith. After all, I brought it here for you.” He turned and left her. 

Lilith felt herself shaking; Lucifer knew she was here? How long had he known? If he had the intention of seeing her, was this a trap? She didn’t have the time to contemplate when the spotlight centered on the stage, and to her astonishment, Lucifer stood under it. 

His voice thundered in the stadium, amplified by the building, “Ladies and gentlemen! Monsters all of you, welcome to your home among sinners.” He looked up at her and Lilith felt shock give way to anger, he was mocking her. Lucifer winked and continued on his opening.

“If I had a heart it would be warmed at your welcome;” The audience laughed and Lilith rolled her eyes. She knew he was charming to those who didn’t know him, he held them in the palm of his hand. “I think it is time however to get the show started. What you’re about to see with your souls with fear and wonder. My children are not for the faint of heart; the feats they perform will confound you. Are you ready, dear mortals? Prepare yourselves for… Pandemonium!” 

The spot went out and darkness enveloped them only for the rafters to be illuminated. The audience collectively gasped when the three women up in them came into view. A moment later they were falling from them. There was no time to make any noise as they plummeted; mere seconds before the ground they flew across on the swings Lilith hadn’t noticed were up there. So they must be the Weird Sisters. Cymbals crashed as they swung above the crowd, flipping through the air and catching each other. Lilith let herself relax somewhat, as far as she knew Lucifer wasn’t near anymore, but she was still on high alert. She enjoyed the performance being given, and the act transitioned into the three women giving individual performances on their own. 

Lilith found she could relax a little more as each act came on, though her heart still beat quickly every time Lucifer came onstage to introduce the next act as it was preparing. It was a good show. She particularly enjoyed the escape artist Ambrose and the magician was good; although, he and his blonde partner could on the smoothness of their technique. The assistant appeared next in her own act, tightrope walking. It was short and nice, it was clear it was a new skill that was being developed, but it was nice. Lilith’s thoughts drifted after awhile, once again to the mystery Lucifer presented her, but she pulled to the present when after an act or two _she_ appeared. 

It was the woman from the poster. It had to be. Her red hair and demeanor were spotlight enough. But, this wasn’t the act advertised. She walked behind a man who Lilith could only describe as wicked looking; it reminded her of Lucifer. She tried to remember what Lucifer had introduced the act as while she wasn’t paying attention, then she remembered. Blackwood, a knife thrower. Despite her head held high, it was clear Blackwood was the one controlling the act. Lilith couldn’t place the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach as she watched the poster woman mount the decorated wheel and Blackwood stopped at his mark. There was something in the air; serious and dangerous, and no matter how many times Lilith told herself it was apart of the act, it didn’t feel right. 

Blackwood threw the first blade and it landed near the woman’s shoulder, but she didn’t even blink. The next one landed above her other shoulder, then by her thigh. Blackwood then marched over to the wheel and took out a blindfold. Lilith saw something flicker across the woman’s face and it added to her uneasiness. Clearly the blindfold wasn’t something that had been discussed. She saw her whisper something to Blackwood, but he went ahead and placed it on the woman. He removed the trust and it made Lilith want to stand up and call for the act to stop, but then she saw Lucifer at the edge of the curtains watching. The wheel began to spin with the now blinded woman on it and Blackwood stepped away. He started throwing the knives again and the audience held its breath. It was the way he smirked as he performed the act that Lilith hated the most. 

The wheel started to slow and Blackwood helped it stop; he took the blindfold off of the woman then let her out of the constraints. From where Lilith sat, she could tell the woman was less than pleased at the change. The pair took a bow to the applause and made their way off. 

Lilith sat through the next two acts, a fire breather and some clowns, still uneasy. The looks the duo had shared didn’t sit right with her. 

Lucifer took the stage again after the clowns and the arena fell to a hush. 

Surveying the crowd, Lucifer addressed them, “Now, the time has come my friends, to welcome our final act. The devil himself falls under the spell of this enchantress, just as the fearsome beasts she walks with. Circe walks the earth again in this dangerous beauty. Welcome… Zelda!”

As Lucifer left the stage the growling was heard. Then, from the curtains tigers emerged. The animals prowled the stage, snarling at the crowd as they did so. A haunting tune was played offstage and Lilith heard quiet gasps around her. There she was again, Zelda. She slowly made her way from the entrance to the stage and Lilith took her in. She was truly divine. Her hair fell in red waves, unlike the updo she had in her act with Blackwood. She seemed to walk with the music and her blue dress draped around her like the night sky, shimming every now and then in the low light. She was a beautiful sin. Lilith admired her figure, hanging onto every last detail. With baited breath, Lilith watched as Zelda approached the wild animals with nothing more to her movement than the sway of her hips. She came to one of the beasts and seemed to made eye contact with the animal. If Lilith didn’t know any better, she’d swear she was actually communicating with it. The tiger then stood on its hind legs and rasied its paws into the air; Zelda then walked under the paws and embraced the tiger. She moved around it and moved onto the other creatures as it lowered itself back to the ground. The routine was stunning. The tigers circled her as she walked with them, occasionally she reached down to pet the fearsome animals. It was like a dance. 

Lilith was entranced by this woman. She and the beasts were like one body. In a demonstration in the trust she held with them, the tigers then positioned themselves in a line and Zelda walked across their backs. Lilith could tell she was being careful with where she stepped, she clearly cared for the animals. When Zelda stepped off the last one, the tigers came to her and nuzzled themselves against her, as if thy were house cats. She was mesmerizing; she continued to dance and the tigers began bringing her objects to dance with. 

The act ended with Zelda laying amongst them, draped across and one with its head in her lap. The lights went out. The crowd erupted. 

* * *

Lilith was leaving stand when Lucifer found her again. 

“Leaving Lilith? I do hope you enjoyed the show.” 

Lilith lifted her chin and gave him a curt nod, “Yes it was quite impressive.” 

Lucifer grinned, “Lilith, why don’t you come along? You did always enjoy traveling.” Lilith bit back a laugh. Enjoyed it? She had been forced to with him. It didn’t matter if she enjoyed it or not. Lilith forced a smile, “No thank you, I’m done with that.” Lucifer didn’t seem convinced and continued to smile, “Is that so? I know you miss it, the thrill, the excitement.” 

Lilith took a deep breath and said a bit forcefully, “No, I am happy with my life now.”

Lucifer was silent for a moment as he studied her. He nodded, and turned on his heel. 

Lilith watched him go and left the tent. 

She was almost off of the grounds when she heard something coming from the field next to her. Turning her head to look, Lilith noticed a grouping of tents. So this must be where the circus was staying. Next thing she noticed where two figures headed towards them. She tried to make out their features in the night. 

“Please Faustus, I’m tired.” It was a woman’s voice and a man’s soon followed. 

“Then you should be heading to our tent, not your sister’s.” 

The man sounded harsh and Lilith heard a sigh come from the woman, “I just wish to speak with her.” 

“You can speak with her tomorrow. Tonight you are to stay with me. You are my wife, Zelda, you will act as such.” 

It was the woman from the show and Lilith assumed the man’s voice belonged to Blackwood. Zelda only sighed again and continued on her way towards the tents, but Faustus caught her wrist. He pulled Zelda back to him, drawing a gasp from the woman. Lilith couldn’t make out the next thing he said, for he whispered it in Zelda’s ear. The silence that followed made the hair on the back of Lilith’s neck stand on end. 

She watched as Faustus stepped away from Zelda and look at her expectantly. Zelda only nodded and the two made their way to the tents silently. Lilith wanted to go after her, if only to make sure she was alright, but they were already too far gone. She didn’t know why, but she felt she couldn’t just let the woman go. She remembered Lucifer’s offer to her. 

Lilith groaned and dropped her head. She took a moment to breathe then made her way back inside the Big Top. 

It looks like she would be traveling again.


	2. on the Road to Hell there was a railroad track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christ, she had done some pretty impulsive and reckless things in her life, but this might just take the cake. Perhaps Lucifer was right. Maybe she was just craving something different.

“I want to come.”

Lucifer turned around, breaking off his instructions to the stagehand. His eyes lit up in surprise at seeing her, but quickly his expression morphed into one of triumph. Stagehand forgotten, he crossed his arms and lifted his chin, “Come? Why should I bring you along with me when you so readily rejected my offer, Lilith?”

“With the  _ show _ ,” Lilith clenched her jaw, “And I could do the bookkeeping, you know I’ve always been good with numbers.” 

Lucifer raised a brow, a grin on his face, “Alright, let’s say I do let you come along, but why? There’s something you’re leaving out.”

Lilith pursed her lips, “You have what you wanted Lucifer-” He opened his mouth to speak, but she held up her hand to stop him, “-leave it at that. Or, I’ll just go.” She could tell Lucifer was less than pleased with her answer; he straightened up to increase his height advantage over her and scowled. There once was a time when this was her signal to be careful. Lilith held his gaze, “Take it or don’t. I could go home.” 

Sneering, Lucifer acquiesced, “Fine. I’ll have someone bring you to Hilda, she’ll find you somewhere to sleep I’m sure.” He looked at something past her and snapped, “Kinkle boy, come here.” Lilith turned her head to see one of the stagehands walk over, a boy with dirt on his face. 

He looked at Lilith and then to Lucifer expectantly, “Yeah?” 

Lucifer gestured to Lilith, “Take Ms. Danann to Hilda Spellman, she will be joining us.” The boy nodded without question and motioned for Lilith to follow him, “This way.” He started off and Lilith followed him after a second of a delay, and tried to catch up. When she did, the boy glanced at her.

“So,” he stuck his hands in his pockets, “you’re joining? Are you a performer? Oh-I’m Harvey by the way.” He stuck out his oil greased hand to shake, at which Lilith simply stared at until he put it back in his pocket with a sheepish look. 

Lilith gave him a tight smile, “A pleasure. And no, I merely have too much time on my hands to spend it all in a small town. No, I will be bookkeeping for Mr. Morningstar.” They continued on after that, Harvey having got enough sense that Lilith wasn’t one for small talk. As they walked Lilith took in the environment around her. Workers moved from task to task, packing and getting ready for the train to leave on the next day. They got closer to the grouping of tents and she saw people milling about, some being the performers she saw onstage earlier. They were in various stages of dress and makeup; some having changed and cleaned themselves up already, and some still looked as though they just got off the stage. One of whom being the blonde magician’s assistant; she noticed them and lit up, hurrying over to them. 

“Hey Harvey!” The teen girl stopped in front of them and her eyes landed on Lilith. She was still in her performance attire. Sabrina tilted her head to the side and asked, “Who’s this?” 

Harvey gestured to Lilith, “Lucifer said she’s coming along, told me to bring her to your Aunt Hilda.” Lilith guessed the girl couldn’t be any more than seventeen, and she wondered if given the presence of more family members, if she was raised in this environment. She’d heard of traveling shows having a family or two among the whole company. 

Lilith fixed her with another smile, “Lilith Danann, pleasure to meet you.” 

The girl smiled politely, caught between apprehension and curiosity, “Sabrina. Come on, I’ll take you to my aunt. Honestly, she’ll probably be ecstatic. She hasn’t had someone new to take care of in ages.” She went ahead and looked back at Lilith, “I hope you like lots of tea.”

Sabrina led her through the maze of tents; the path was illuminated by the lamps and lanterns outside of each one. The night brought a chill in the air with it and Lilith adjusted her coat. They were occasionally stopped by Sabrina’s friends and fellow performers saying hello or inquiring as to who Lilith was. During their journey, Lilith kept an eye out for Zelda; paying close attention for a head of red hair. Once being disappointed by a bright flash of red only to find out it belonged to one of the trapeze artists. They finally came to stop outside one of the largest tents that seemed to radiate warmth despite the ordinary appearance outside. Sabrina pulled back the entrance and stepped inside with Lilith right behind her. Lilith’s eyes widened in surprise as she took in the inside of the tent; truly, the outside was more than deceiving. Lamps lit up the tent in a warm glow, and carpets covered the ground, providing a warm layer on top of the earth beneath it. A dresser of all things sat against one tent wall, with baubles and trinkets on top of it. A large metal wash basin was next to the dresser with clothes inside of it and different trunks of varying sizes were placed along the different walls. There were three different makeshift beds in the tent, each with numerous pillows and blankets, and on one of them sat Hilda Spellman, mending some garment. 

Hilda looked up in surprise at Sabrina’s entrance and even looked even more surprised when she noticed Lilith behind her, “Hello darling, I- ah, who’s this?”

“Hi, Auntie. I have someone for you. This is Lilith, she’s going to be joining. Lucifer said.” From the woman’s gentle smile that came to her with no effort, Lilith knew that the homey atmosphere in the tent was all due to her. 

She nodded and opened up her hands, “I was told you might be able to fix me with some accommodations.”

And right away she was on it; Hilda put down her mending and stood up, “Oh! Well, yes of course I can most certainly do that for you. Should take no time at all dearie.” She set about finding something for Lilith. 

Lilith couldn’t help but feel a little stunned at this woman’s readiness to help her, and with no question. And the girl Sabrina- for all they knew she was an axe-murdering maniac. Hilda surveyed the room and twisted her lip, “Actually, I think you might have to settle for a room in here tonight. Would that be alright? I’ll set up the room divider of course to give you some privacy, but I can’t think of any spare beds. And Sabrina, you’ll be sharing with me tonight.” 

Sabrina let out a sigh but nodded nonetheless, “Yes Aunt Hilda.” She kissed her aunt on the cheek before heading out of the tent again. 

Lilith could only step back and watch as Hilda began straightening out one of the beds for her to use. Her, a complete stranger. 

Hilda didn’t look back at her as she spoke, “Now, my nephew will be coming in shortly, or, I hope it’s soon. Heaven only knows what that boy is up to at this time.” 

As Hilda remade the bed, Lilith watched her albeit somewhat dazed at how quickly this kind woman accepted her into her space. Lilith frowned, stepping forward with an arm outstretched, “Forgive me but, why are you so quick to help me?” A laugh fell limply from her lips, “For all you know, I could be a criminal. Out to kill you all.” 

Hilda looked up at Lilith and her eyes wrinkled kindly, “And you may be, but that doesn’t matter.” She said decisively, “Hardly anyone around here is an innocent soul; plus, as infuriating as I find Lucifer, he hardly allows anyone in for no good reason. Besides,” she fluffed the pillows on the bed, “I have a  _ very  _ good intuition, and I know, I have nothing to fear from you.” 

Oh pity her soul, Lilith thought, for her intuition must be severely clouded. If only she knew her soul with the past still written upon it. 

From behind the dresser Hilda pulled out a set of folding screens and surrounded the area of the bed with them. Pleased with her work, Hilda stepped back and looked at Lilith, “Right, here you go! Now, I’m just going pop off to speak with my sister, and I will be right back. Let me know if you need anything.” 

As she made her way to the entrance to the tent, Lilith stopped her. 

“Wait.” Lilith looked around the room, “You have a sister? Will she be sleeping here?” She counted only three beds, and if Lilith were to be taking one of them, where would this sister sleep?

Hilda nodded with a weary sigh, “I do, but she now stays in her husband’s tent. Hopefully, I’ll be able to speak to her, but Blackwood’s a possessive arse so I’ll have to pray she’s not with him.” 

Lilith’s eyes widened, “You’re sister is Zelda?”

Hilda nodded, “Well, yeah.” She halted and furrowed her brow, “Wait-do you know Zelda?” 

Lilith grew more and more intrigued about this little world and how interconnected it was. It was pure luck that she was being housed by the sister of the one she was looking for. Lilith shook her head, “No, no, I was just, amazed, by her performance tonight is all.” 

Hilda brightened visibly, “It is spectacular, isn’t it? She’s a marvelous performer, my sister, and such a hard worker. Stubborn as the wind mind you. Now, I really must be going before it gets too late. But if you do need anything, ask Sabrina when she comes back and she’ll grab me. Sleep well,” Hilda waved to her and stepped out. 

Silence enveloped the inside of the tent, and stillness creeped in the absence of its hosts. Neighboring tents and voices roaming the camp bled in and reminded Lilith of the life continuing outside, but it felt so distant; as if she were hearing the sounds through water. She walked around the folding screen and sat down on the bed she had been given and exhaled. Letting out a sound of frustration, Lilith buried her face in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. What was she thinking? A circus. A circus! One that was run by her ex-husband nonetheless. All because of what? A woman; a woman and a hunch that something wasn’t right. There were so many other things that she could have done. She could have asked around about her, or try to find her  _ without  _ joining a fucking circus. What was she planning to do anyways if she finally got to her and nothing was wrong- or, if something was wrong! What would she do then? Leave and join whatever town that landed her in? She dropped her hands back down to her lap. She kicked off her shoes, recounted what she still had in her purse, and laid down on the bed, glaring at the ceiling of the tent. 

Lilith always came back to the conclusion that she had to because she was compelled to. By what, or who, or how, she didn’t know. But she was. Christ, she had done some pretty impulsive and reckless things in her life, but this might just take the cake. Perhaps Lucifer was right. Maybe she was just craving something different. And when she heard the tent’s other occupants return and head to bed- their soft and easy chatter with each other, altogether strange and different -maybe this was it. 

* * *

It was giggling that woke her up. Incessant giggling and the smell of food. 

Lilith rolled over in bed and opened her eyes to shadows moving across the folding screen. Sitting up, she stretched and rubbed her face, trying to push the grogginess away. She could tell it was still fairly early in the morning for the slight chill that still hung about the air. The voices drifted to her ears one again; she supposed she couldn’t hide in bed the whole day, especially when it belonged to someone else. 

Lilith stood up and bending back somewhat into another stretch, she tried her best to straighten herself out before donning her best air of polite indifference and rounded the folding screen. Sabrina and Hilda sat on her bed, while a man with light brown skin and dark hair sat on the floor petting a black cat in his lap, apparently the escape artist was also a part of this little family. The three of them turned their heads to look at her and Hilda smiled warmly, “Good morning, dear! Did you sleep well?” 

Lilith nodded once, “Yes, thank you. I actually slept surprisingly sound.” 

Hilda made a little sound of excitement, “That’s marvelous-I- oh! Lilith, this is Ambrose, Sabrina’s cousin and my nephew. Ambrose, this is Lilith that we told you about.” 

Ambrose ducked his head in greeting and gave her a welcoming grin, “Very nice to meet you Lilith. So, you’re our new runaway? When Prudence told me last night I didn’t believe it, but when I came here I was proven quite wrong.”

Sabrina snorted from her place on the bed, “Well now everyone knows you’re here if the Weird Sisters found out.” She shrugged, “They haven’t had someone new to gossip about in a long time.” 

“Sabrina, you should be more respectful.” Her aunt chided her gently. 

It had been some time since gossip had surrounded her, Lilith mused. After she had settled herself down in the small town they were in, there had been some, but it had eventually faded into something calmer. There was still the stray story or two. She particularly enjoyed the tale that painted her as a reclusive witch. But, she was no stranger to it. The opinions of others had never really been much of an important thing to her. Better to revel in it than look foolish. Rolling her head to one side, she contemplated how she would go about this. As the family in front of her chattered off about something back and forth, Lilith looked at her options. One possible course of action was to seek Zelda out; hopefully talk to her and gauge the situation, solve it somehow if there was any solving to be done. Another was to let circumstances bring them together. Was one woman really worth all this planning? It wasn’t as if she had any ties to her. But remembering the exchange that she had witnessed tugged at something in Lilith; perhaps it was pity or fear, or really, it had been seeing a snippet of her past shown back at her. She was pulled from her reverie by the cat winding its way around her ankles and she realized that Hilda had said her name. Lilith looked up from the cat on the floor and saw the three Spellmans looking at her, “What?”

Hilda was now standing, “I asked if you might like to come and get some breakfast with us?” 

Lilith was about to answer when her stomach rumbled. She sighed and internally cursed, a ghost of a smile on her lips, “I think you have your answer.” She let Hilda lead her out of the tent with the other Spellmans trailing close behind, caught up in whatever it was they were chattering about. The sun was just peaking over the horizon and painted the field in a soft golden light. There were a few people already up and about, and Lilith watched them drift about in the morning haze. Hilda seemed to have sensed that Lilith wasn’t one up for much conversation early in the morning, or until she’s eaten. A faint murmur could be heard as they approached a grouping of long tables and she could see as well as smell the cooked eggs, bacon, potatoes, and dishes of fruit set up. They grabbed plates and Lilith surveyed her options, settling on some eggs, potatoes, and finally she selected a red ripe apple. Small groupings of people sat amongst the tables and Hilda directed her toward one of them to sit; the Spellmans sat around her, seemingly having adopted her into their little circle. 

Lilith stabbed her fork into her eggs and Hilda leaned in toward her to speak, “Don’t worry if you don’t like the food, I usually cook our meals back at our little campsite- just for us, but today I’m afraid I wasn’t able to.” She looked apologetic and Lilith felt a little amused. 

“Please, Hilda, you have already shown me more than enough kindness. I will survive,” Lilith assured her. It was touching how much kindness came from this woman, and she felt almost undeserving of it. 

Hilda dipped her head with a smile and Sabrina put down her glass of water looking at Lilith as though she wished to say something. She swallowed and shifted in her place on the bench, “Mm- Lilith, so, what are you doing here? I mean, why are you coming with us?” She blinked wide brown eyes at Lilith and bounced her leg impatiently. 

Lilith finished chewing her food and licked her lips before answering the girl, “Well, excitement. Curiosity. Boredom? And, I used to travel quite a bit. I miss that life, and I’ve been stationary far too long.” She wasn’t lying, but she’d rather not tell the family of the woman she was seeking her that she was trying to find her, based solely on a hunch that she was not safe. The boy- ah, Ambrose -pointed his fork at her. 

“You were with Lucifer before the show. He moved your seat.” 

Fuck. 

Hilda cocked her head to the side and Sabrina furrowed her brows. The girl frowned, “What?” 

Lilith closed her eyes and contemplated how much she should share. From their tone, it appeared that Lucifer didn’t give that attention to everyone. She sighed and looked down at her plate, pushing the potatoes with her fork, “Yes, I did speak with him before the show.” 

Clearly Sabrina wasn’t satisfied with just that. Hilda didn’t say anything, but listened intently. Sabrina questioned her again, “But why? I knew Lucifer let you in for some reason, I just figured you had a sob story like new people usually do. Why did he move you?” 

Lilith looked up and shrugged, “I am an old… acquaintance of Lucifer’s. We used to know each other- ages ago -and, he decided to arrange a seat for me as a treat. It was quite the surprise to see him. I didn’t even know he owned a circus.”

The three Spellmans in front of her appeared to be considering her answer. If she didn’t know any better, she’d swear they were all communicating in silence. Sabrina was the first to speak, “My aunties told me he bought it from my dad before I was born, then took over after my parents died.” Ambrose and Hilda shared a look, and Lilith could tell that this was perhaps a touchy subject. 

Lilith gave the girl a pitying smile, “I’m so sorry to hear about that-” 

She was going to continue, but her words died in her throat when in her peripheral vision her eyes caught view of none other than Zelda herself. She watched her approach the table of food and select a plate; she looked even more stunning in the morning light. Lilith could clearly see now the way her red hair fell in soft curls against her shoulders, and the fairness of her skin. She was wearing a blue satin robe and it floated about her in graceful waves; she was all at once unearthly and yet beautifully tied to it all the same. No one had the right to look that elegant at this time of the day. 

Ambrose followed her gaze and a wide grin spread across his face, “Looks like someone’s been entranced by Auntie Zee.” 

Sabrina suppressed a laugh and Hilda only smiled amusedly. Lilith’s eyes snapped from Zelda to the trio in front of her. Her cheeks flushed and Lilith straightened out with a mere raise of her structured brow, “Her performance was captivating last night, truly, what a memorable act.” 

“So… enchanted.” 

Hilda cast her eyes toward the heavens and shook her head, “Oh Ambrose leave her be.” 

“Hilda, who is this?” 

Lilith nearly choked on her water but when she turned to see who had interrupted their meal, there she was, the enchantress herself, Zelda, standing next to the table with her plate in hand and distrustful eyes set upon Lilith. There’s something to be said about clarity once someone is closer. Eyes that had shone from a distance were in fact green, and elegance transformed into careful control. Lilith could see how Zelda was analyzing her, deciding whether she posed a threat or not, to what was the question. Or it could be that she simply didn’t like people; which, Lilith could also understand. The morning breeze finally stirred Lilith into listening to what it was Hilda was currently saying as she kept Zelda’s gaze. 

“Oh! Zelda! Good morning sister, and this is who I was telling you about last night. This is Lilith…”

“Danann,” Lilith finished.

Sabrina piped up, “She’s coming along with the company, Aunt Zee.” 

Hilda nudged her sister lightly, “Come on, sit down and introduce yourself properly.” 

Zelda finally broke from Lilith’s eyes to roll her eyes that showed the internal herculean effort to listen to her sister. She sat down next to Hilda and cleared her throat, giving Lilith a tight lipped smile, “A pleasure to meet you Ms. Danann.” Zelda took out a lighter from the pocket and lit a cigarette Lilith hadn’t noticed she had in her hand. Taking a puff of the cigarette, Zelda exhaled, “My sister had mentioned Lucifer had brought in someone new.” 

A half-laugh escaped Lilith and she lifted her hands, “Well, here I am.” She picked up her apple and cut slices with her knife, “I’m only sorry I didn’t get to say hello to you last night. Your performance was… spellbinding.” Lilith hoped flattery was the way to Zelda’s good side; she had a sinking feeling she was more of a fortress than an open friend. From the way that Zelda’s eyes sparked, she knew her interest was at least piqued. Lilith popped an apple slice into her mouth and let the sweetness spread over her tongue. More people were spilling into the breakfast area and the murmur of other voices began to fill the silence. 

Zelda only nodded her thanks to Lilith and turned her attention to her plate, “Yes, well, thank you. I’m sorry I couldn’t receive your compliment last night.”

A snort came from the end of the table and they turned their heads to Sabrina. She tore off pieces of bread from her roll with a sour look on her face, “Yeah, cause Blackwood doesn’t let Aunt Zee come to our tent anymore.” 

Zelda closed her eyes, “Sabrina, that’s nonsense and you know it.”

Sabrina placed her hands in her lap, “It’s true! Last time you came after a show, everyone could hear him shouting from across the camp.”

Zelda breathed in deeply through her nose and Lilith watched as she fought some internal battle before responding softly but stern, “Sabrina. That’s enough.”

Sabrina sighed, very clearly not done with the subject, but hesitant to aggravate her aunt. She pursed her lips, frustrated by the situation, “Just feels like he stole you, Auntie.”

Silence enveloped the table and Hilda looked between the two of them before directing the attention to Ambrose, hoping to ease the sudden tension, “Ambrose,” she gently prodded, “perhaps, after we eat you could help me with packing everything up for today. The sooner we get it done the sooner we get back on the road.” 

Ambrose coughed and nodded, “Yes, of course Auntie.” 

They eased into casual conversation, but Lilith stayed silently watching Zelda. 

Zelda pushed around her eggs, appetite having left with her niece’s comments. The argument was a familiar one, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. She tried to be with them any chance she got, she knew it wasn’t her best, but it was what she could give. Adjustment was tricky, they just had to get used to it. Once they did everything would be much easier, she was sure of it. 

Lilith continued to observe the way Zelda half listened to her family’s conversation, her mind was elsewhere after the sudden shift of atmosphere back and forth. From what she could gather, the hunch she had, was looking less and less like a hunch. Or at the very least, it was a hunch and a half. Zelda turned her head and caught Lilith staring at her, she glared at Lilith and if she had expected Lilith to look away she was let down. Lilith supposed she ought to have been less shameless, but she held Zelda’s glare and returned it with a small smile which caused Zelda to huff lightly and turn her attention back to her food. She was supposed to be helping Zelda, not challenging her, and she did want to help her. If anything, the marriage in question wasn’t happy, and Lilith could tell as much. All too soon, Zelda was excusing herself without having eaten much. She stood up, bidding Hilda her niece and nephew goodbye. She stopped at Lilith and flicked her eyes up and down then walked away. 

Soon, the other Spellmans were leaving and Lilith joined not far behind them. After cleaning up, she met Hilda at the edge of the tables. Hilda greeted her with a smile and before they could start walking she noticed Zelda leaving the dining area after smoking another cigarette at the other end of the tables. She held up a finger and looked back at Hilda, “I think, I think I may have a walk around. You know, I usually do after breakfast.” Lilith stopped Hilda before she could speak again, “I will be right behind you.” 

Looking past Lilith, Hilda seemed to think for a second then nodded, leaving Lilith with a smile. 

Lilith let out a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. She took a moment to gather herself then turned on her heel and headed in Zelda’s direction. 

For someone who appeared as though they constantly walked on pins and needles, Zelda didn’t notice Lilith until she had fallen into a step beside her leaving the area into the tents. 

“I really did love your show.”

Zelda nearly jumped out of her skin and held a hand to her heart, “For the love of-!” She took a deep breath and faced Lilith with a glare, “Was that really necessary to sneak up on me?” She flicked her ash onto the grass and folded her arms across her stomach. 

Lilith suppressed a grin, “Snuck up on you? I’d hardly call it that. I’d call it joining you for a walk, that is unless my presence is unwanted.” 

“It is.” 

“Oh, well, in that case I’ll take my leave.” Lilith made to step away but stopped, “I meant what I said about your performance. I think it was the best part of the show.” 

Zelda paused, taking into consideration Lilith’s comment. Her features softed to a degree when she saw Lilith was being genuine, “Thank you, that is quite the compliment.” 

Lilith smirked, “It’s my pleasure.” She surveyed their surroundings, “I’m afraid I’m actually not sure how to make it back to Hilda’s tent. I thought I’d be fine, but clearly not. You wouldn’t mind pointing me in the right direction would you?” 

Zelda assessed Lilith for a moment before nodding with a roll of her eyes, “Yes, I guess I would be able to do it. Here, I’ll just lead you there myself.” Zelda started walking and Lilith followed close behind her. Under the light of the sun, Zelda’s hair shone red and Lilith thought she could faintly smell the scent of a perfume. Then again, it could also be the wildflowers at the edges of the woods that surrounded the grounds. As they passed through the tents, Lilith watched the people take down the lights from last night and pack them to be transported later that day. She looked to Zelda beside her and saw her stony expression fixed ahead. 

Lilith hummed, turning her eyes back ahead, “So, are you recently married?” 

Zelda looked at Lilith sharply, “Excuse me?”

Lilith shrugged, figuring the best way to pick at this certain topic was a mix of being up front but with a hint of subtlety, “Are you recently married? Blackwood, it is Blackwood right? He’s your husband isn’t he?” 

Zelda sputtered, shock mixed with disbelief, “I’m sorry, but who are you to be asking about my marriage?” Lilith answered pleasantly, “Just curious. I’m fascinated with how connected you all are.” 

Zelda frowned and continued on their walk, not entirely convinced, “If you’re so curious, then ask my sister. I don’t share my private affairs with strangers.” 

Well shit. She was hoping for at least a small detail, something so she knew she wasn’t crazy and she was not just projecting her past onto this woman. But, from what she heard at the table, she wasn’t making it up. There was something off with Zelda Spellman, or Blackwood she supposed. It was in the way she guarded herself from her and her own family, the interactions she did see at the table were coated with unease and it reminded her of the feeling she used to get when used to speak to her own family when she was with Lucifer. 

They came to a stop a few feet away from Hilda’s tent and Lilith faced Zelda once more. 

“Is your husband kind?” Lilith finally asked. 

Zelda looked confused, “Is he kind? I don’t see how that would affect you, what, is that also curiosity?” 

Lilith didn’t get a chance to elaborate on her bluntness when a man’s voice came from behind Zelda. Speak of the devil.

“Zelda, what are you doing over here? I thought you were coming straight back to take care of the twins.” Faustus came up behind Zelda, taking her elbow and holding onto her. He eyed Lilith suspiciously. 

Zelda laid her hand soothingly upon his and spoke evenly, “Faustus, my sister took in a newcomer. I was merely showing her the way back to her tent.” 

“Hm. Well she’s here now, it’s time you come back then.”

Zelda smiled gently, imploring him, “Would it really be all that time consuming if I stepped in to say hello to my sister? I was hoping to have a word with Sabrina too.” 

Faustus darkened and raised a brow at Zelda, “Gossip with your sister? That sort of drivel is unbecoming, and I’ll not have that spread to my children, Zelda. Now, Leticia needs to be fed, or have you forgotten? Come.” 

Lilith didn’t miss the way Zelda flinched at Faustus’s touch on her arm and the way she seemed to wilt on the inside at his words despite her cold exterior. But her back stayed straight and she turned to leave with Faustus without further argument and left Lilith alone outside Hilda’s tent. 

Hilda poked her head out of the entrance to the tent and sighed sadly when she saw Lilith watching Zelda leave. There would be a lot she would learn; she whistled to grab Lilith’s attention and nodded her head back in reference to the tent, “Come on, love. We’ve got lots of work to do before the day is out.” 

* * *

Hours later, when all of the tents were packed and placed in a train car, along with all of the equipment that filled the next several train cars, and the inhabitants of the circus piled on into their own cars that they had claimed with a few other people and their belongings; Lilith joined the three Spellmans in theirs. They were so kind as to grant her admittance to stay with them until she found another group she preferred to spend her time with. But, they let her know, she was always welcome to stay with them. Night was settling down around them and Lilith was busy making herself comfortable on her makeshift bed in the bench of the train car as Hilda packed away the last of their belongings into one of the many trunks. 

Suddenly, the train started moving slowly along the tracks. Lilith watched the trees roll by out the top windows of the car and it hit her in an instant. She was leaving. She was really leaving her home behind. It was the unknown once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is currently 4 am but hey i got it done!!! there isn't much to do during a pandemic, but thing are slowly going to begin picking up steam in this story. but seriously, i hope you are all doing well and staying safe. :)
> 
> i apologize for any errors as i am posting this at 4 am. also i'm still trying to get a handle on some of the characters voices and the balance of lilith's attitude vs. her wanting to help. i don't know how i feel about this chapter, but i'm satisfied for now so please leave a comment and tell me what you think! i'm planning some more fics so fingers crossed i learn to balance them all well enough. and the chapter title comes from hadestown


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